Working With Self-Preservation

Self-preservation is something that horse people have to navigate often in their time with horses. Whether it’s our horse’s self-preservation or our own, it’s important to have a foundation set for how we deal with these moments when they come up. It’s important to start the conversation before we’re in the middle of a situation so we have some familiar tools to help us through these situations. Self-preservation is our body’s way of telling us that we don’t feel safe. It’s an important piece of ourselves. In its healthy state, it tells us when we need to be on alert, when we need to remove ourselves from a situation and when we need to flee. It’s tied into our intuition and aids in navigating through the challenges of life.

Many of us as horse people have experienced struggles with self-preservation. When working with a 1200lb prey animal having a healthy dose of self-preservation is wise. Anything from a bad fall, scary moment with a horse, the stress from showing/competition, or even an experience with a tough coach or mentor can push our self-preservation into a heightened state of arousal and tip us out of balance. So how do we know when we’re out of balance?

We know we’re out of balance if:

·       Just thinking about our horses causes us to feel stress and anxiety.

·       We feel fear when we’re around our horses or when we think about what we need to do with them.

·       When we can’t stop replaying the event over and over again.

·       We’re losing sleep over it.

·        We feel numb.

Some examples of how self-preservation might show up for us is that we start sweating, our hands may shake, or we may even have a hard time breathing. Once in this state, it can be hard to feel safe again. So how can we start to regain our regulation? How do we start feeling safe again? How do we lean into hard situations while honoring our system?

Learning how to work with our nervous system is instrumental. Recognizing and honoring how we’re feeling in the moment and being ok to not be ok starts the process. It allows us to take responsibility for ourselves and the situation. Once we acknowledge this, it frees us from pretending, from internalizing, and from feeling like a victim. 

Learning how to work with our nervous system allows us to take small measurable action each day. It’s not silly to slow down. We’re not failing if we don’t get right back on after an accident or if we take a break from showing for a while. In thinking about the experiences that led us to the place we’re at, we can ask ourselves, “How could I have done that differently?” 

This starts the creative process and allows our imagination to formulate different options and potential solutions. It can cause us to reflect on the events leading up to the event or situation we’re in and ponder alternatives.

For example: Let’s say we had an accident and fell off our horse. Now when we think about riding, we feel nervous and scared that we’ll fall off again. By taking the time to reflect, we can ask ourselves:

·       Could I have done anything differently?

·       Could I have helped my horse in a different way?

·       What need did I miss in my horse?

Accidents happen and our horses do get scared at times, but we can learn from our experiences and by meeting our horse’s needs, we can help prevent future struggles. The other thing we need to consider in this instance is to ask ourselves, what small steps can I take to rebuild trust both in myself and with my horse? Do we need to get some help? Would we feel safer on a lunge line? Or have another trusted person ride my horse while I watch? It’s not being a coward to honor how we feel in the moment. When we lose our confidence, we need to take small steps to rebuild. Generally, we’re not going to find long-term success by sucking it up.

So, we take small measurable actions each day to create an environment that enables us to feel safe with our horse again. We start with addressing the small bits of tension our horse holds when we’re tacking him up or when he walks away as we enter his paddock with the halter. We start wherever the tension in us or our horse begins. Our self-preservation is constantly trying to look out for us and when we can harness its ability positively, it enables us to sense when we’re missing steps in our training and need to take time to address something before moving forward.

It’s also helpful to work on visualizing the what ifs from the positive side as well as the negatives. Let’s say we’re worried about our horse’s canter; We can ask ourselves, “what if my horse goes into a slow comfortable canter departure and we have so much fun, and everything flows? How would that feel?”

As we slowly build a solid foundation for finding success in the canter, it will start to feel a little bit more possible. We want to set ourselves and our horses up for success. We do our best to meet their needs and help them as much as possible. If we’re still nervous, it’s important to ask for help. Whether its through lessons, mentorship, coaching or a ground person for support. Relationship is built on a solid foundation of honouring where we’re at and work on developing trust both in ourselves and in our equine partners. Everyone’s journey in this is unique.

Rebuilding confidence and trust takes time, day by day, but it’s possible to get back to feeling empowered with your horse again. Give yourself grace as you navigate this process and remember that your self-preservation is not the adversary but an integral part of life and gives such important feedback to help us create the relationships that we desire.

Needing some support as you navigate this journey? I have a few coaching spots left for December and will be offering more coaching sessions again in February! Contact me at info@brookerempel.ca for more info.